The 39 Steps (Part 1)

There are, of course, 39 Steps to enlightenment:

Step 1: Visit The Guru’s Guru often

Step 2: Massage your ulna

Here at The Guru’s Guru, we embrace a daily dose of fruitiness. Does it focus your alpha waves? Centre your ch’i? Cleanse your chakra? Well, new thinking requires new terminology. So, we say it “massages your ulna”.

Be sure to do one of the following every day:

• Stick a Post-It Note saying “Post-It Notes” on a Post-It pad


• Read a random paragraph from a Jackie Collins book out loud


• Peel an onion wearing only a snorkel mask


• Exclaim wistfully to a ticket inspector “My water was just a curiosity to you!”


• Hop zigzag down a corridor, grinning widely


• Visit a chiropractor and ask to see their back-catalogue


• Sway gently from side to side while your train is at stations


• Ask someone directions to 1952


• Laugh hysterically at a scene from Two And A Half Men


• Set your watch 1 hour and 23 minutes fast


• When the phone rings, answer it by saying “Hi, can I speak to Jerry Maguire?”

Or you can try going freestyle (taking care, of course, not to mess with anyone’s karma). Share your ideas with others by commenting to this post.

Other Steps to be, um, revealed over time.