The Sideshow: Axed By A Biased ABC Board

Bias at the ABC. Yes, it exists. But no, it’s not left-wing bias — it’s bias well to the right, courtesy of the changes to the Board of Directors that Howard instigated. The Sideshow with Paul McDermott has gone the way of The Glass House before it. Both were popular shows, regarded with great affection by many, and both were relatively cheap to make. In both cases scheduling changes preceded the final deathblow. And both shows included political satire that was damaging to the Government and its allies:

G’day folks. Welcome to The Glass House, the program that asks the question ‘Even though today’s anniversary of JFK’s death is sad, isn’t it good at least one American President showed a bit of brains?’ — Wil Anderson, The Glass House, 22/11/06

John Howard has finally said ‘sorry’. Well, not about the Stolen Generation, Children Overboard, Iraq or making us a terrorist target. He’s sorry interest rates have chundered all over his re-election chances. — Paul McDermott, The Sideshow, 10/11/07

The Sideshow also regularly ridiculed right-wing religious fundamentalism. In this moment from the ‘New Moods in Intelligent Design’ series, we discover why God didn’t design The Pyjamadillo, a pyjama-wearing nocturnal armadillo:


Nylon PJs and open flame — recipe for disaster
for three young Pyjamadillos!
The skit ends with the phrase ‘Ergo: God is Smart’ (for not designing such impractical creatures), but the real message is pretty clear: The excellent design of the real armadillo can be perfectly explained by evolution and it’s the concept of Intelligent Design that’s ridiculous.

Conservatives are typically against the avant-garde and risqué, and would have all sorts of issues with the burlesque spirit of The Sideshow, especially on the State’s TV channel, where it would be endowed with a level of legitimacy. What was The Guru’s TV moment of the year, Imogen Kelly frolicking with a cream gateau, would have the John Howards of this world protesting vehemently:


How to lose calories on gateau!
In fact, with many of the musical numbers having a political message, there wasn’t much about The Sideshow that wouldn’t have rubbed a staunch conservative up the wrong way. But it seems to have been the eponymous Paul McDermott himself who’s become public enemy number one with the ABC management. He revealed on the show that some crew’s IDs had been seized and replaced with visitor passes, including himself — now Visitor V3035.


“The star of the show is the A-B-C!”
In what, if the current Board of Directors have their way, will be the last ever Sideshow, the talented team of regulars sang a satirical song with the chorus “The star of the show is the A-B-C!” Over some 30 episodes the artists had put their hearts and souls into The Sideshow, and created something very special — a world in which free thought, progressiveness and creativity came together with a sense of community to engender optimism. “How beautiful is living?!” exclaimed Paul at the end of one ep.

Make no mistake, for the time being it most certainly is not Your ABC.


Images: ABC TV

Blog Action Day 2007:

Dawn of the Second Age of Enlightenment

The 15^th of October, 2007 is the first Blog Action Day. Many thousands of bloggers around the globe are joining forces to raise awareness of a single issue — this year the environment. Just as importantly, it is about demonstrating the power of unity, and the ability of a united world to change for the better. The Guru has signed up to be a part of the event — one that holds great promise.


The First Age of Enlightenment

In American Dream; Global Nightmare we looked at the aspirational vision of America’s Founding Fathers – one of wisdom, unity, integrity and freedom — and how their society sadly transmuted to one of stupidity, divisiveness, self-interest, and oppression. This corruption, though, was a result of the new experiment of capitalism, and not an inherent weakness within the foundations that had been laid. And the inspired thinking of Abraham Lincoln and others was made possible by The Age of Enlightenment.


Thinker with a green background —
Rodin’s Thinker (1879-89) ponders hard
Philosophers, thinkers and statesmen of the day were inspired by the quantum leap in scientific understanding gained from the work of Sir Isaac Newton. They realised that if intellect could win out over centuries-old dogma in the area of physics, there was no reason not to apply new thinking to old problems in all fields of scientific endeavour, as well as law-making, government, morality, and so on.

They also saw that the Roman Catholic Church had been holding back man’s potential, stubbornly clinging to a Medieval view of the world. The philosophes rejected many aspects of Roman Catholicism, including the concept of original sin and emphasis on a hereafter. The Church wielded great political power (something of an understatement for the horrors of the Inquisition!) and dissent was a dangerous business. No wonder, then, that activists of the Enlightenment used the motto ‘Dare to know!’


The Second Age of Enlightenment

The first Enlightenment was difficult to propagate because most people were illiterate, and were indoctrinated from an early age by the Church. Today, over seven out of ten adults in the world have at least basic skills in reading and writing, and (thanks partly to internet cafés) a similar number have internet access. And the truth, as Mulder would say, is out there!

Today’s widespread lack of enlightenment has very different causes. In the developed world, these include apathy, biased media reporting, individual and government self-interest, corporate lobbying/manipulation and information overload. And the religious dogma of old remains, notably in the US. The good news is that there is a strong movement for change. People the world over (even the CEOs of huge multinationals, historically some of the worst offenders) have realised that unchecked Global Warming would be disastrous for all of humanity — including them.


Latter-day Newton, Stephen Hawking,
is no lightweight
Blog Action Day is an opportunity for individuals around the world to realise that the ultimate power rests with them collectively, not the corporations, not lone countries, not even the reckless and inept leadership of the one remaining Superpower. They need only become free thinkers to achieve unity, because the answers are the same for all of us.

Tackling climate change is humanity’s ultimate test. It will cause us to re-evaluate our values, philosophies and moral codes. Priorities will change. ‘Continuous economic growth’ will be seen for what it is — an oxymoron. Collaboration will strengthen local and global communities. Sustainability will become the watchword. In short, enlightenment will prevail. For us to have any chance of sustaining a population of 6.5 billion it has to.

The internet has quietly been uniting us for the past 15 years. But it’s been more to do with a guy in California downloading a dodgy film from Thailand or a kid in Austria playing Doom with a mate in Fiji. The importance of blogging is articulately summed up on the Blog Action Day website. It is helping to foster free thinkers and encourage discussion, both important in overcoming the biggest obstacle to enlightenment in the 21^st Century — apathy. Let the motto for the Second Enlightenment be ‘Care to know!’

The Mormon Pigeonhole

The world is slowly becoming less segregated by ‘race’ (a perceived term, with no genetic basis). Unfortunately, religion has stepped up to take the slack, and religious fundamentalism is rife (and not just in the US!)

If it weren’t for the little detail of a potential World War III, it’d be almost funny. “I am Christian and you are Muslim. We have nothing in common; you worship a false god. Oh, hang on, you worship the same god as me. But you don’t believe in Jesus. Oh, hang on, you do believe in Jesus. But not that he rose from the dead. Well, there you go, I knew there was a good reason to consider you my mortal enemy!”

People of different religions are intolerant of each other through lack of understanding and bloody-mindedness. The latter has a lot to do with a central doctrine of their religion — that it alone is right and should survive over all others. A number of Old World monotheistic religions (those established before the discovery of the Americas) include it; notably Christianity, Judaism and Islam.

Mormonism, founded in 1830 in the US, is a Christian sect which, unusually, does have a little religious tolerance built in. (Racial tolerance, not so much! Black priests have only been allowed since 1978.)

“I’m here to be real,” said Rebecca before entering the Big Brother House. She wanted to do her bit to cast off the image of Mormons as weird and separate from mainstream society. But she faced an uphill battle.


Rebecca gets blue in the Ice Room
Positive and fun-loving from the outset, Rebecca was knocked back and sidelined over and over. Early friends became early evictees. By Day 31, when the first Intruders entered the House, she was at her wit’s end. Daniela was a godsend (so to speak!); they formed an immediate bond, and Rebecca opened up to her new girlfriend: “...it's really hard, every day fighting to just be myself...”

Emma had no interest in a united House. She controlled who could join the ‘Popular’ group, and that gave her a feeling of power, as well as the pleasure of making snide comments about the ‘Geeks’. Rebecca saw only a relationship that needed working on; she didn’t realise that once Emma had decided she didn’t want to know her, the door was closed and there was nothing she could do.

“You know what; an epiphany I've had today? I thought I really don't want to be a popular person, because they really are mean to people, they really do overlook people and they really can be very self-obsessed and self-absorbed a lot of the time,” she said to Jamie on Day 35. Very true. And Emma wasn’t solely to blame; the others in her clique allowed her to bring out their meanness.

In the Ice Room, free from Emma’s influence, Rebecca was accepted by the Popular boys and got to let her hair down. At one point, she dared Travis to sit ‘bareback’ on a block of ice, and when he pointed out he might stick to it said “I might have to pee on your bum!”

On Day 50, she was evicted — in a double eviction with Emma(!) But while Emma got 76% of the ‘Merged’ vote, Rebecca got only 4% — 2% less and she’d have been safe.

Rebecca achieved her goal — without compromising on her principals. Australia accepted her. And the standard Mormon pigeonhole is suddenly defunct!

Trey Parker – American Idiot

Don’t wanna be an American idiot; one nation controlled by the media

So goes the Green Day track ‘American Idiot’. It was a big hit, and resonated with a huge number of US teens. It’s hard to imagine the same sort of success if the song was about any other country. ‘Venezuelan Idiot’? Doesn’t really work. ‘Spanish Idiot’? ¡Que not! But ‘American Idiot’ is instantly understood by many in America and around the world: someone who believes the world according to Fox News; someone who believes you can win a war on terror by employing terror tactics; someone who may well believe the world is less than 10,000 years old*; someone who’s fiercely patriotic but loathes many within their own country due to race, sexuality or faith.

But South Park co-creator Trey Parker has made his name by being an American Idiot. And (ironically) chances are the same American teens who pump up the volume for ‘American Idiot’ are going to be huge South Park fans.

The Guru has dipped into South Park on and off for years. Kenny dying over and over again? Funny. Butters trying to take over the world? Funny. Cartman’s love/hate relationship with Kyle? Funny. The clunky animation, foul language, unrealistic voiceovers and zany storylines? Funny. And then there’s the twist at the end — the common sense that causes everyone to realise the error of their ways and ‘learn something’.

Every so often, there’d be an episode that seemed to cross the line. But hey, it’s South Park; it’s supposed to be edgy. And the next ep would consign any doubts to the brain’s dusty recesses.

These niggling doubts grew, however, and with the discovery of Family Guy it became clear that a cartoon could be edgy, (a lot more) clever and funny, without making you feel sick to the stomach, as the bigotry of Trey Parker and co. could.

The Guru started looking more closely at the episodes he’d been tending to steer clear of — and the results were disturbing.

Cartoon propaganda was dropped behind enemy lines during World War II. Because it was funny, soldiers often kept hold of it. The lesson from history is clear: we shouldn’t bypass our moral judgement just because something makes us laugh.


* Polls indicate around 45% of Americans believe this — more in future posts.


Coming soon: The Guru dissects a South Park episode.

Chaser Team gets 1st Strike

The Chaser’s War on Everything, Wednesday evenings on the ABC, is pretty much the last bastion of biting political satire on Australian TV. (The Glass House, one of the ABC’s most popular programs, got axed. The suits cited needing to give other comedy a chance. But the smart money is on Howard having had a quiet word with the new ABC Head, after seething from all the replays of him, dressed in a green tracksuit, rising from an armchair in a failed attempt at virile celebration of a Socceroos goal. It’s an uncomfortable truth that a democracy can easily edge towards totalitarianism.)

Recent revelations give the Chaser Team a wealth of material — the AWB wheat to Iraq kickback scandal, politicians secretly lining their own pockets, a PM defending a radio broadcaster responsible for a show likely to incite racial violence — the list goes on and on. So why they pick on such innocuous targets as white goods retailer Godfreys and The Australian Chamber Orchestra is a mystery. (And their pranks against undeserving targets are the lead balloons of humour.)

But it’s their attack on moderate Muslims that gets them their first Strike. The skit parodies The Biggest Loser (a reality show about competing to lose weight) with The Biggest Muslim. “I’ve lost over 40% of my Faith!” beams Chas Licciardello, dressed in a full burka, as he removes his veil.

So it seems Muslims in Australia are going to be pilloried no matter what they do. Women who follow the guidance of traditionalist scholars on dress, chaperones, etc., will be accused of not integrating properly into society. And those who have come to the conclusion that the interpretations of key Koran passages by male scholars over the centuries are not, in fact, true to the spirit of The Koran, will be ridiculed as selling out on their Faith.

It is really not on to attack women who are trying to free themselves from the subjugation they were born into while retaining their Faith.

So that’s Strike 1 against the Chaser Team. 3 Strikes and they’re out of The Guru’s — and, I hope, your — viewing line-up.

Big Brother Bashers

Nothing gets the goat of Venerable* Guru Al Cad more than the politicians, pundits and puritanical-types who would ban reality TV series Big Brother.

For the benefit of anyone who’s been living in a cave for the last seven years (hey there, Osama, how’s it hanging?) Big Brother films a dozen or so volunteers living in a house 24/7 for several months, or until they’re ‘evicted’. During their stay, the housemates are pretty much isolated from the outside world. The show’s producers take it in turns to be ‘Big Brother’, giving the housemates tasks designed to show them and us different facets of their personalities, and ensuring that they follow the strict rules of conduct. At the end of the series, there’s one winner who receives a large cash prize.

Sounds innocuous enough. And it is. But not to the bigoted puritans who decry the show.

Put a bunch of mainly twenty-something, mainly single guys and gals of widely differing backgrounds together for a long time and stuff is going to happen. Which, of course, is the idea. What stuff that is depends on what kind of people they are — and ultimately the nature of the society they’re from.

To loathe Big Brother is akin to loathing the youth of your own society. That’s right John Howard. Yup, I’m talking to you too, Nine News. And yes, even environment good guy Sunrise.

If you watch the evening news and you see Michael Richards (Seinfeld’s Kramer) having a racist rant, you don’t try to ban the news. So what sort of idiot would try to ban Big Brother if one of its housemates lets themselves down?

The Australian version of the show adheres closely to the TV ratings system. Most of the shows are rated PG (Parental Guidance recommended) and are not only suitable but educational for young teenagers. They show the real consequences of many traits: being two-faced, selfish, cliquish, the various ‘-ists’, and so on.

The MA15+ notch on the ratings system is the highest on Australian terrestrial TV, so of course those shows were not going to be appropriate for under 15s. And because there doesn’t seem to be nearly enough parental control to go around, putting them on at 9.30 pm was not a good idea. But for the mature viewer, there were insights to be had and lessons to be learned. Political pressure was brought to bear on Channel 10 last year, and they axed the MA15+ shows.

It probably shouldn’t be too surprising that someone who guest speaks on a Catch the Fire Ministries’ video would want to ban Big Brother entirely, and there can be little doubt that PM John Howard still has the show in his sights. Look out for more media-fuelled controversy whipped up during the forthcoming series, and more ‘Time to Go’ rhetoric on channels 7 & 9.

Hang in there, Big Brother — it’ll soon be Time to Go, John Howard...


* and extremely modest

Canadians At Twelve O’clock!!!

If you’ve caught any news reports of the Australian Mufti, Sheikh Taj El-Deen El-Hilali, speaking in English, you may well have thought that his English was so poor as to make his words incoherent. You would probably have made the assumption, though, that the head Islamic cleric in the Country was lucid and incisive, at least in his own language. But the translation of his highly controversial Arabic sermon on theft and adultery tells a different story.

And behind every man who is a thief, a greedy woman. She is pushing him.

Not our women in Australia, the women of Canada... The hall up there is full of women.

They are the women of Canada and Mexico are the ones who encourage their men... to do what? Go! Get me!

Yes, it’s true, there are masses of women in Canada — around half the entire population!

Well, there are certainly plenty of male thieves in Australia. But the Mufti says, behind each is a greedy woman — and this woman is going to be either Canadian or Mexican. This intelligence could be invaluable to crime-fighters in this country and some 150 others. “I first became suspicious he stole the necklace when I discovered he once consorted with known Canadian, Elizabeth Arden.”

Jesus, So Many Blonde Jokes!

The end of the world is nigh! That’s according to RaptureReady.com, the site that keeps an eye on such ‘evils’ as ‘Liberalism’ and those brought on by financial unrest — “The forces of darkness must be biding their time waiting for fiscal despair” — and number-crunches them into a ‘Rapture Index’. This is currently 157. It would’ve been 156, but some guy in Florida has been pretending to be Christ, so that’s an extra point.

It’s a serious business: if you don’t tithe enough, or don’t always vote Republican (or your country’s equivalent), come The Rapture you could, they believe, end up in Hell instead of Heaven. With Clinton.

So The Guru was surprised to discover pages of Blonde Jokes on the site:

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

And there’s plenty more where they came from, as well as jokes on lots of other subjects, such as old people:

Top Old Folks Party Games:
Sag - You're It!
Kick the Bucket

I wonder what Jesus would make of this humour? “Ha, ‘Kick the Bucket’! Ah, that takes me back...”

Joyce Meyer – Not Nice

US TV evangelist Joyce Meyer wants you to give God 10% of your income. Now Meyer has obviously thought through the logistics of this and has realised that God doesn’t actually have a bank account. So she’s generously offered hers!

Why 10%? Well, she’s scoured The Bible and found an Old Testament passage (Malachi 3:9-10) that she contends supports this figure:

Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.

Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

Well, everything’s so clear, now! Hmm. A ‘tithe’ is a levy of a tenth of something, which, it seems, was enough to put the ker-ching of cash registers into the ears of this astute evangelist. Here are some other extracts from Malachi, which Meyer hasn’t been in such a hurry to highlight:

A son honoureth his father, and a servant his master... MALACHI 1:6

Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces... MALACHI 2:3

And if ye offer the blind for sacrifice, is it not evil? and if ye offer the lame and sick, is it not evil?... MALACHI 1:8

That last passage relates to ‘the LORD of hosts’ being dissatisfied if the animals sacrificed to Him are not healthy. It is unclear whether Meyer participates in animal sacrifice rituals herself. If she doesn’t, that would seem to make her a blatant hypocrite. After all Malachi is just 55 verses long.

Meyer describes herself as “not naturally nice”, and this is not a viewpoint that The Guru feels compelled to contest. Buyer beware!

In The Beginning...

Arguably* the most widely accepted creation theory is this:

In the beginning all was guacamole.**

However, The Guru takes the Zen approach to creation theories – however appealing. Here are some bite-sized nuggets from his philosophy:

• Meaning and purpose are not reliant on a created universe


• That life is wondrous and precious is empirically true


• Concepts of a hereafter detract from making the most of life


• Our minds are hardwired to believe in deities, but these varied beliefs have a history of causing conflict and clouding sentient thought


• Enlightenment requires tolerance, free thought and self-determination (unlike religions)

Plus, of course, guacamole only keeps for about a week, so it would’ve gone off.

* It should be noted that many advocates of this theory are not vocal in its support for fear of being stigmatised.

** Some have asked “From whence came the guacamole?”, “By what hand did it come into being?” or “How grew such a plenitude of avocados?” These are nonsensical questions, for the beginning is, by definition, that which has no past.