Love vs Sex

Sex. Small word; big subject; massive uptake! Yes, as people in the industrial world turn away from the yoke of religion, they stop briefly at the chemists before shacking up with some like-minded person. “Why not?” is the reasoning. “Sexual compatibility — it’s very important. Once I find that, the love will follow.”

I’m afraid not; it doesn’t work like that. Each sexual partner you have ‘dilutes’ the degree to which you can love any one person. And increases the difficulty you will have remaining faithful to them.

The reason is that love (romantic love) is all about pair bonding, and pair bonding is all about knowing that you’re with the right partner — one with whom you can successfully raise strong offspring to adulthood. The more partners you have, the more difficulty you have committing to one. You like the body of one, the personality of another, the finances of another, the sex with another, and so on.

And if you happen to find all those things in a single partner, after a while, when the novelty has worn off, and with only diluted love to glue things together, the enticement of new pastures wins out, buoyed by memories of past liaisons.

The evidence to support this is all around us — celeb news, friends & family, and the reasons for the failures in our own relationships. What’s surprising is that it’s just not discussed. There’s plenty of talk about religious, moral and social values, STDs, pregnancy, etc., but none about the simple concept that we’re all searching for love, yet many of us are shooting ourselves in the foot!

Well, all that’s about to change! At Guru, there’ll be plenty of posts about love and sex — after all, they’re my two favourite subjects!!!


Continued: In Celebrity Love vs Sex we find out why Charlie Sheen is a knob, what’s causing Jordan to screw Peter André over and why Katie from BB06 is a sweetheart...

Crossing Jordan... Off Your ‘Eligibles’ List

Oh Jordan — aka Katie Price — what a blogger’s dream. Did you know she ran for Parliament in the UK?! Yes, really — in 2001. She got 713 votes. Perhaps she would have got more if it wasn’t for her only stated policy interest being (and this is absolutely true) “Free Plastic Surgery for All”!!!

Oh Jordan, Jordan, Jordan...

In 2004 she was one of the victims contestants in UK series I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Along with just about the most bizarre mix of celebs you could imagine, including Lord Brocket, cheesy DJ Mike Read, former Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten and ex-Atomic Kitten Kerry Katona, she endured tropical storms and various debasing trials in the isolated rainforests of Queensland.

And then there was Peter André... Peter — perhaps having been breast fed too long as a child — was obviously attracted to Jordan, and she liked the attention. He began pouring his heart out on national TV, and she enjoyed toying with him.

“Now hang on just a minute,” you’re probably saying, if you follow this site ‘religiously’, “this is the sort of post I’d expect on a lot of blogs, but sure as hell not Guru! How can all this possibly have anything to do with the search for The Big Answers?” Well, follow Step 1 of The 39 Steps — Visit The Guru’s Guru often — and all will soon become clear.

Anyway, back to the jungle. This YouTube clip shows Jordan and Kerry singing and dancing to Madonna’s Like A Virgin (starting about a minute into the two minute clip). Note Peter’s mortified look.

Warning: This clip may cause you to rafflwaffle involuntarily



He went on to marry Jordan. Oh Peter, Peter, Peter...

Guru Gets On YouTube Bandwagon

YouTube has fast moved from curiosity to cultural phenomenon to media essential for many, right up there with iPods, email and TV.

If a visitor from Omicron Persei 8 were to determine human worth based on a couple of hours surfing YouTube, our chances of escaping the Death Ray would not be good. “These poor production values DEFY BELIEF!” “Those puny Earthlings have no talent – I laugh only at them, not with them.” “Why has that clip been removed? What is ‘copyright infringement’?”

Oh, well, at least the Death Ray would be quick.

The story of the faked LonelyGirl15 diary entries on YouTube broke last September. LonelyGirl15, it turned out, was not lonely, was not 15 and was not a girl. [Strike that last one] Which led to — yes, you’ve guessed it — lots of YouTube diary entries from people coming to terms with having been duped. (That’s assuming that these clips weren’t also bogus.)

The interweb is a strange place. And it’s only going to get stranger.

Anyway, here’s the definitive LonelyGirl15 clip — 20 seconds of pure genius:

Warning: This clip may scare the Bejeezus out of you



And before you start complaining about karmic consequences, remember that it was 20 seconds you weren’t watching South Park. So you came out on top.

Sunrise Affects Greenhouse

Happy New Year, gurus of The World!

2006 will go down in history as the year the largest CO² polluter in the world — America — and the largest per capita — Australia — acknowledged the problem and resolved to do something about it. Great news. (About 14 years behind the UK, but great news, nonetheless.)

Of course, a growing minority had been forming the opinion that the dire predictions of so many of the world’s top scientists weren’t merely hot air. But politically it was — and remains — a hot potato. (If you don’t factor in little details like future failure of the Wheat Belt to grow crops reliably) coal, gas and oil seem like the cheapest way to power our air con, paper mills and 4WDs.

With an oil-loving Texan in The White House and a coal-loving Sydneysider in Canberra*, both well right of centre politically, 2006 didn’t seem promising as the year the balance of opinion would sway. But of course Step 6 of The 39 Steps is ‘Expect the unexpected’...

The factors were many in causing the collective change — natural disasters, drought, the economic impact of these. But I would like to single out an unlikely hero in all of this — breakfast television. Specifically, Sunrise, on Australia’s Channel 7.

All hail, Koshie, the cross between Mahatma Gandhi and Alf Garnett, in both manner and looks. Flanked by Melissa Doyle (Mel) and Natalie Barr (Nat), David Kosh put a positive spin on the fight against climate change; empowered his audience. Yes, Australia could do something about the problem, and that would make us feel good about ourselves.

Sunrise joined the Cool The Globe campaign, and by the end of October 170,000 people had signed an online petition urging the Federal Government not to scrap a rebate on installing solar energy. And when the Treasurer appeared on Sunrise saying he had no plans to abolish the rebate, Middle Australia got a chance to revel in that feel-good factor — they had won.

Well out of the media spotlight, the Federal Government was busy making hundreds of legislative changes to attempt to weaken the potency of community lobbying, much to the dismay of renowned international environmentalist Dr David Suzuki, who gave the National Press Club Address the same week. And Howard** even wants to foist that failed experiment, nuclear energy, on Australia. But he will fail. Australia will demand a new Prime Minister, one with a whole lot more foresight. And America will demand a President with intelligence and wisdom.

It’s a matter of survival...


* The capital of Australia, for the benefit of international readers who like winning their ‘cake questions’ on Trivial Pursuit.

** Prime Minister of Australia. (Not to be confused with Howard the Duck.)

The 39 Steps

There are, of course, 39 Steps to enlightenment. However, what with meditating (in the form of watching the new Battlestar Galactica), chanting (lines by The Cat Empire) and accumulating wisdom (a secret process involving ants, rye bread and acetone) The Guru has little time for posting them.

Here you will find a regularly updated list of all Steps posted to date.

1. Visit The Guru’s Guru often


2. Massage your ulna

That’s it for now. But don’t worry — Step 38 is ‘Patience is a virtue’...